Friday, September 12, 2008

Life's Many Worries...

Growing up I never seemed to worry about anything. But as I have gotten older I have come to realise that everything pretty much scares me. I am majorly afraid of the usual things such as the dark, snakes, spiders, and all that fun stuff. As I have done different things in my life and met different people I've learned that I really am a chicken..

One thing that scares me is missing limbs. When a person is missing parts of their bodies such as arms, legs, fingers, eyes, and so on really freaks me out for some reason. I know that sounds really mean but the thought of it just seems to give me chills that really scares me. I discovered that there really is a phobia for missing limbs and its called apotemnophobia.

I also have a horrible fear of Dolls. You know the porcelain ones that are for display only. My grandma had tons of them and whenever I saw them I would turn them around so they would face the wall.. Anywhere I slept I would have to turn them or I couldn't sleep. This started when my uncle told my cousin and I this story about dolls.

Hospitals, Nursing Homes, Graveyards, Wheel Chairs, Hearing Aids, Canes, and all that hospital stuff grosses me out. I am not quite sure if its the smell or the way it looks or what they do or what, but it really seems to scare me. Whenever there would be an activity or service project that involved going to hospitals or singing to the old people, I never seemed to go to them. So its still a mystery to me as to why these many different things scare me but I cant even touch them or it makes me feel really gross.. I tried to overcome this by doing hair in a nursing home but that didn't last. I ended up going home almost everyday crying.

I am deathly afraid of the dark and being home alone at night. When my parents go out of town I can never stay home alone. There have been times where I will just sit on my bed and cry because I start thinking of all the possibilities that could happen when I am there alone. Such as someone could come in and kidnap me. I could be cooking and forget to turn the stove off and while I sleep the house could burn down. I could come home from being gone and forgot to lock the door and someone could be anywhere inside my house. Needless to say there are many possibilities that could happen while I am alone.

When my parents would go out on date nights I could never go to sleep until I knew my parents were home safely in bed. I would sit upstairs in the window and just look outside watching all the cars go by waiting for that one car that would have my parents in them.. I wouldn't be worried about myself at home, I would sit there and worry about if something has happened to them. What if they got in a car accident or hit by some crazy driver, would I ever see them again? These are all things that crossed my mind while waiting for them to pull in the driveway.

These are just some of my fears. I wish I wasn't such a chicken and could be a carefree.. I think that I have a brain that just doesn't stop thinking. I think and think and think and scare myself so bad that it has resulted in many sleepless nights. But as I start thinking these many things that just make me who I am. Its what makes me... ME!!!


In The Doghouse said...

Mandi, I had no idea you were such a scaredy cat! You really need to stop thinking so much. Yikes! lol

The Campbells... said...

awwwww i miss my best friend and all your quirky ways.... :(